When You Know, You Know

You ever sit back and wonder what your purpose is? Like why are you here and what should you be doing? I spent most of my life thinking this. I feel like when we are in school, we are rushed to decide what we want to be when we grow up. We graduate high school and then have to head right to college, pick a degree and that is that.

As a little girl, I always loved playing school down in the basement with my neighborhood bestfriend and our stuffed animals. That was probably one of the best memories from my childhood. That passion I felt being a teacher, carried on into college. I thought that because I enjoyed teaching my Winnie The Pooh stuffed animal, teaching was my calling.

I wasn't far off. I began substitute teaching and really loved being in the classroom. I had decided teaching was for me and ended up getting my Master's in Education, only to shortly realize, it wasn't my calling. The moment the state I moved to wouldn't accept my degree without me taking more courses and trainings, was the moment I realized NOPE this isn't it.

I was in and out of some pretty crappy jobs, that just discouraged me. Jobs that made me doubt myself, my ability and my professionalism. Was this all I was capable of? Crap jobs that had shitty hours, paid like crap and treated me like crap?

The yoyoing of not knowing what to do with my life ended up turning into depression. How could I be in my mid 20's and not yet have life figured out? Where did I go wrong? What was I doing wrong? Am I really not smart enough to be successful? I decided to try more school and more certificates, but none of them were fulfilling.

Then I started to question myself even more. Was I just making up excuses because I didn't want to work? But deep down, I knew that wasn't the case. I was a hard worker and always had been, I just truly wanted something that made me happy. There is nothing wrong with wanting that, right? Wrong. My bank account and those around me definitely didn't agree with that theory.

So I pushed myself into more jobs. Some I thought were going to end up great. Where I thought I had found my calling and thought I would grow and use all my skills. Until after a few months I realized I was slaving away for someone else to be successful. In that little moment I began to better understand what it was I wanted to do.

I wanted to do something for myself. I wanted to make my own business, build something big. But what? The frustration of seeing other successful women do this, made me angry because I didn't know where to begin or what it was I wanted to build.

I researched and tried many different things. But still could not figure it out. During the midst of all of this, I started to become sick. Symptoms from my past started to re appear and new symptoms started to show their face. I started bouncing back and forth from doctor to doctor, not one able to tell me what it was that was wrong with me.

My anxiety and depression was already extreme from not knowing what I wanted to do with my life and it just grew even more not knowing what was going on with my health. But then that day came, that day I found a doctor to listen to me and help me figure out what was going on. After a few appointments and a surgery, I finally found out I was dealing with endometriosis. You can find my diagnosis story here.

But that was it. That endometriosis diagnosis was it. That was the moment I realized what it was I wanted to do. I didn't want to use my illness as something depressing. I wanted to use it to help others. Who were suffering just like myself. I started to realize just how big of a community of sufferers were out there. But how exactly was I going to help them? To be honest, it is tough trying to please everyone.

I tried all sorts of approaches and the negative feedback made it very clear that maybe my help wasn't needed. And then I got a message in my inbox. It went something like this, "I just wanted you to know you are my hero. Thank you for the positivity. So much love and admiration for you". And right there, I knew I shouldn't care about the ones who didn't like what I had to offer. Because at that moment, I had helped one person and that was good enough. But then one message turned into dozens. And the passion for helping others burned brighter and brighter. The feeling I now get every morning, is the feeling I have been longing for.

When you find that passion, you hold onto it and you fight for it. Stop thinking about those who don't approve or agree. There are always going to be those people. Stop thinking about the buts and what ifs. There will always be those feelings. If it makes your heart happy, DO IT.

Taking that leap of faith to work from home while helping myself and others try and get our lives back, has probably been the best decision I have ever made in my life (besides saying I do to my hubby ;) ). Who wants to take that leap of faith with me?