People pleasing. Something I have struggled with my entire life. Yearning for everyone to like me, need me, approve of me and be proud of who I was and what I was doing.
But the reality is, that isn't how life works. We as humans are not designed for everyone to like us. Something I was introduced to at a really young age. But never fully understood. That feeling of others hating you and judging you is hurtful. Really hurtful. You begin to feel worthless and neglected. But those moments when others give their approval and acceptance, you feel fulfilled and happy.
People pleasing can become a dangerous habit. Trying to feel fulfilled and happy consistently, means trying to please those around you. This can leave you drained and stressed. The constant search for approval means putting others needs before your own. You may even struggle telling others NO for fear of rejection or what others would say and think.
For me, people pleasing became so bad that it became an addiction. I needed to feel needed. I needed to feel I was helping and contributing to someone else's life. I needed to know I was exactly what other people needed. I searched for it. Daily. And when I was not finding that acceptance, I would tell myself I was a failure and that I had nothing to offer. I let myself believe I was unworthy. Unworthy of anything in life. I was allowing it to hide the real me.
Reaching that dangerous stage I found it hard to make friends, to keep a steady job or even be happy with what I did already have. I said yes to things I didn't want which in return made me miserable. I found myself arguing a lot. Especially with my significant other. I found myself hating who I was. Crying daily, wishing I could either not exist anymore or find whatever it was I was looking for and needing. The very special things I did have in my life, were right under my nose and I couldn't bring myself to see that. I was too caught up thinking I needed the entire worlds approval. That I forgot what really mattered. I was so afraid of losing people, people that I didn't even know; that I ended up losing myself.
The journey to finding myself again wasn't easy. And to be honest, it is STILL something I am working on. But I have been able to accept that I don't need to please everyone and in fact, I won't please everyone. The world is filled with people whom no matter what, will just not like you. And that is OK. You know why? Because the world is also filled with people who LOVE YOU. Love you so very fiercely no matter what you do or say.
Since coming to these terms, I have learned to say NO to things I just don't want to do. I have learned to put my needs first, to take care of ME and do what makes ME happy, no matter what society and others say or feel. I am learning that I am worthy and that I have always been worthy. I am going to say that again. I am learning that I am worthy and that I have ALWAYS BEEN worthy. I have so much to offer and to share. I am smart, funny and unique.
No more people pleasing means, I am learning that having confidence doesn't make me conceited. Wanting money + whats best for me is not selfish. Not always talking about my endometriosis does not make my case any less important and does not mean I am better or that I don't want to raise awareness. Being happy does not mean I need to feel guilty or that I am never sad. Being sad doesn't mean I am weak. Sharing things that I love does not mean I am just trying to sell something. All of these negative belief's I had, were because I was so worried about what others would think. I was so worried about making sure I was providing others with what THEY needed and what THEY wanted to see or hear. I was worried that a few unfollowers on social media meant everyone was going to unfollow me. And all though daily I do have friends, family and even those with endometriosis unfollow me, I have accepted it. I have accepted that they are making room for people I truly DO need in my life. People I can truly help, without feeling those people pleasing tendencies. I have a purpose. Regarldess of anyones opinion. And it is time to own my purpose with pride, confidence, excitement, strength and courage.
Do you struggle with people pleasing tendencies? Keep an eye out for my next blog post 'Tips to Help You Stop Being a People Pleaser.'